Recently I was gifted with a 30-minute counseling session from a woman in Hawaii who has made it her life's purpose to help others find their life purpose. She began by asking me to share about myself. Being 53 years old, there is a lot to share and we only had 30 minutes, so I wasn't quite sure where to begin! She suggested I just begin. So I briefly shared my journey of the last 7 years which included cancer in 2002, getting married in 2004, the loss of my husband in 2005, and a bad accident in 2006. As I was sharing with her, my internal thought was WOW! that is a lot to have had happen in the span of 4 years!

I also shared with her my consternation that there was little, if any joy in my life. She asked me what it was I wanted for myself. I shared that the estate from my late husband had not been settled, but once it was settled, I would be in the position to buy my first house. I also shared that recently my job responsibilities had changed, and in effect, had been told that in 2 years I may or may not have a job. She and I discussed that I was in a unique position of being able to really create what I wanted, job-wise, without also being in the position of being out of work.

She then asked me to close my eyes and visualize the home I wanted, and the job I wanted, and to really see it and feel it. I did, and saw the perfect house, with great light, airy and spacious, with lots of room for guests, and a large modern kitchen for entertaining. The outside was beautifully landscaped and the large windows in the rooms really brought in the beautiful views of lush greenery and beautiful flowering plants. I also imagined the perfect job where my knowledge and experience were valued and respected, where I worked with a team of fun and knowledgeable people creating solutions for problems that we all had experience with, and knew the answers for. I was excited to do this work, and woke up highly motivated to get to work. I also made an insane amount of money doing exactly what I loved, such that money was not a worry at all. She asked what I was feeling. It was such a feeling of being blessed and such gratitude that I wanted to do more for others. She asked me to stay with the feelings and see if there was any thing else I felt. I realized I felt a little guilty that I had it so good.

This was not a new phenomenon for me.

I remembered that I had felt this way when my late husband was alive. I had a wonderful husband whom I loved dearly, a job that I loved, made great money such that he did not have to work, and thus could do whatever he wanted, (my gift to him) and in turn, he was so happy that he did a lot to make sure that I was happy. I came home to hot home-cooked meals, a clean house, laundry done, grocery shopping taken care of, yard maintained, and a man who was truly glad to see me at the end of the day! I was blessed. And I was grateful. He loved me in a way that I really got that I was loved. And I got the experience of truly loving a man, which is much different from the love for family or kids.

And you know what? This time I did not go into grief over what I had lost. This time what I really saw is this: It is possible to create what I want for myself that will bring me unsurpassed joy, blessings and appreciation. It will not happen over night, but I know it is possible. I've had it all, and I can have it all again. Call it what you will, faith.....trust...... fantasy..... I know it is possible, and I know it is mine to have however I create it.

This one phone conversation propelled me into seeing what is possible for my life. I hope for any of you going through grief, that you begin to see what is possible for you and your life.

In blessings and gratitude..............